My Dick Hurts - August 15, 2011

Final Fantasy XIII is boring and I haven't played it much because it is boring, and it is boring because it is boring. That is all.

Apparently there's such a thing as a "Christian Police Association", and they are calling for a ban on The Darkness 2 in multiple countries. I don't know anything about this organization, so I'm not going to assume anything. My guess is, however, that they're reacting mainly to the original game, wherein a large part was dedicated to evading or thwarting corrupt cops. And since it's a game, you shot a lot of these police officers and, okay, MAYBE ate a heart or two. Even though these cops were expressly made out to be "dirty", I can see how a police officer wouldn't like to see police officers shot at. Some of them do get shot at, and they don't want to be reminded what could very well happen to them. Of course, calling for a ban on the game in question is absurd for all the same reasons you've probably heard a thousand times over. And also there's no evidence that the police are an adversary in the sequel, unless police happen to be hellish shadowy demon-spawn.

It's likely the "Christian" label has something to do with it as well, which I really don't understand. In the original game, Jackie has to commit suicide on holy ground in order to attempt to destroy the Darkness. Now the "suicide" part isn't very Christian, but Jackie does it in a Christian church, and it works. So according to The Darkness, a church is hallowed ground and is used to combat a force of evil whose domain is referred to as "Hell", which sound's like something Christian's are a proponent of. The thing I'm getting at here is The Darkness 2 is coming out and I want it.

I've pre-ordered Deus Ex: Human Revolution, and my thoughts on it are you better not fuck up. I don't really watch trailers, because they tend to color my reaction to a game before I even play it. In Human Revolution's case, some of the shit they're showing looks balls awesome, and some the shit they're showing looks like shit, and by shit I mean Invisible War and Final Fantasy. The original Deus Ex isn't known for its awesome androids-shooting-shit fight scenes and brooding anti-hero protagonist. I'm not saying the game will be bad, but I am saying I'm afraid it's not going to be Deus Ex. We'll see on the 23rd... which is also when Street Fighter Third Strike: Online Edition comes out. So I'll have fun trying to decide which one to play that day.

Counterstrike: Global Operations (a title made purely for the acronym) was announced, and it's another title I'm really excited about but extremely wary of. Let's get one thing straight - Counterstrike and its iterations are the modern military online shooter, in that it's clearly the best and most competitive. However, the modern military online shooter in terms of popularity is of course Modern Warfare, and Modern Warfare needs to stay far the fuck away from my CS. The fact that its heading to consoles is reason enough for me to fret - I'm not sure if a truly skill-based shooter can survive on consoles, especially in this Modern Warfare era. And I think Valve knows that. I'm really hoping they'll take a gamble.

These gummy-star-burst-thing commercials piss me off. None of these things are contradictions, they're just... things that are unexpected.